Wait for me at the Gate.

I have been putting off writing this for a while now. Losing a horse is a complex and personal experience that all horse owners either have already gone through or are already dreading the day that it will happen. So, in hopes of encouraging others who are going through something similar, here is a little bit of my journey of having to say "goodbye" to the horse that got me through so many hard times and taught me so much through it all.

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Mama was an OTTB that had the looks and bloodlines to be America's next famous racehorse, but luckily for me, she did not have the passion for speed that it would take to win. Her owners decided to breed her early in her life in hopes her foal would be more promising on the racetrack. This is where her name "Mama" came from. It was fitting, as she had a very loving and nurturing nature about her. I was a freshman in college when I first met Mama, and I will never forget how starstruck I was when I saw her for the first time. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. A dark bay that had a white blaze running down her face and white socks. She was gorgeous, and rightfully so, she knew it. She moved with elegance, and coming from only ever riding Quarter Horses, I was certain she was the smoothest and most graceful horse that had ever lived.

Throughout the last several years of leasing Mama, she was my escape from the stressors of life and college. I would often wear my riding clothes to school (and not surprisingly, I got some weird looks) as I couldn't wait to leave campus and drive straight to the barn. There were some days I wouldn't even ride, but instead, I would use the excuse of 'grooming her' so I could talk to her and kiss her soft muzzle. She was there on my happiest days when I felt like I was on cloud nine. She was there on my saddest days when I would cry behind her tall stature and wanted to hide under a rock. She was just always there, like all true friends are. Through the best and the worst, she was there.

After 4 years of taking jumping lessons, my riding skills had grown so much. Most importantly to me, though, Mama had really increased my confidence. She was the first horse I had ridden English extensively on, and coming from riding cow horses and owning a cutting horse, English riding was really different. Mama sparked a fire inside of me I didn't know I had. I fell in love with English riding. There was just something so different about it. It seemed to fill in all the missing puzzle pieces I felt were in the Western community. The mindset of English riders really captivated me too. Disciplined and elegant, these English riders exuded what it meant to be a horsewoman to me. This forever changed my ideas and goals while working with horses. I will forever be grateful for this.

As the dreaded day arrived and I pulled up to the barn, her sweet face was standing at the gate (as usual) watching me pull in. I sat in my vehicle for a minute and just took it in. I will always picture her like this. After trying to tell Mama how grateful I was for being such a huge part of my life the last 4 years, getting me through college, being my support system, teacher, confidant, and confidence builder, I finally just had to say, "Thank you for everything." I just wanted so badly for her to know how much she impacted my life. It's times like these I ask God why we can't talk to animals. But, I do believe He gave them the incredible gift of intuition and discernment. So maybe we don't speak the same language, but I think they tend know exactly what we're saying. As I gave her one last kiss and horse cookie, I whispered in her ear to "wait for me at the gate." And I know without a doubt, she will be there.

I want to say a special thank you to the owner of the barn, who read my email, got back to me, took a leap of faith to not only allow me to lease this amazing horse but also become part of their barn family. Thank you for believing in me as a rider and cheering Mama and me both on as we progressed throughout the years. When I think about my favorite memories during my college years, it is without a doubt all the hours I spent at your barn. I am eternally grateful!